Amarillo By Morning

Josh is not a Country Western fan so he would object to the title.

The sun is just peaking over the horizon, and we have had a busy morning already. Josh had a hard night, his fever is still spiking and he throws up much of his tylenol. He did get more platelets and blood during the night and they have him on numerous IV medications. He has a breathing machine that pushes oxygen into his nose and wires hooked up to his finger, leg (blood pressure cuff) and chest to monitor all of his vitals.

He seems to be feeling about the same, although tired.

His exray last night showed fluid on his lungs. They are restricting his drinking and eating (so of course he is thirsty and hungry) but hydrating him through his IV. He does not complain of much, but I know he hurts and more than anything is tires of not being at home.

Pray that they are able to knock out the infections. His blood counts are still low so his body can't fight off much. Also pray that his stomach will settle down and he will stop throwing up.

We are hoping for a better day. We have a faithful God. Thanks for your prayers.

Transfered to PICU in Amarillo

Today Wednesday started out fairly normal although one of his blood cultures was starting to show positive. He needed more blood, but by noon his blood oxygen levels were dropping. He continued to have problems through the afternoon so Dr. Turner decided it would be wise to transfer him to a Pediatric ICU in Amarillo.

At one point he started coughing and his heart rate went up over 200. That got everyone worried, I was at work and Ilene called me. His oxygen levels wouldn't stay up without oxygen and his dry cough persisted so we all agreed to go to Amarillo. Josh's only condition was that we either wait until after Psych (season premiere at 9pm) or get him there before it started.

Josh got to ride in a helicopter with Ilene, but he complained that his view wasn't very good and they turned off his microphone so he couldn't talk to the pilot. But it was another first for him. We are thankful to the men and women who serve us on the ambulance and here in the hospital.

To add insult to injury, he has been throwing up for almost 2 days, but when we got here he got hungry and thirsty, but they won't let him eat or drink now as a precaution in case they have to put him on a respirator.

Mom and dad are trying to keep our emotions in check until we have a better idea of what is going on. Ilene rode back to Dalhart with Debra W. (who was already in Amarillo) and will come back tomorrow with Sarah.

We will try to keep everyone informed.

You can send Josh emails at this link. BSA Amarillo

He is in PICU room 1.

Thank you for your prayers.

Another Painful Night

We brought Josh in to the hospital around noon Monday to get his blood transfusions. They had him scheduled for 2 units of platelets and 4 units of red blood.

As they started giving him his units of blood, his temperature started to spike and his blood pressure dropped and heart rate went up. Then his blood oxygen levels started to drop. As we got later in the evening he started throwing up and having a sever head ache. It ended up being a really tough night.

By midnight they were having problems with his PICC line clogging up so they were having trouble getting fluids in him. He threw up some more which added to his discomfort. They ran more blood tests and found his potassium was critically low and his kidneys were not functioning properly because of his low blood pressure.

By 2:30 AM he was a little more stable, so I went home for a nap. As I lay down I felt fear grip me just thinking about how fragile Josh's health is. I didn't get much sleep as I lay there praying for Josh's healing and for the faith to walk through another difficult and painful experience. Each time his health deteriorates, we again face the challenge of how quickly he can get sick. I lay there praying for strength as we continue to walk this journey.

Ilene got up around 6:00 am and came back to the hospital at around 7 am and I came up around 8:00. He was still dehydrated, running a fever, and had a head ache. They are trying to determine if he has an infection or if he is reacting to dehydration or even a reaction to the blood transfusion.  At one point this morning his temperature went up to 104.5 so we had to put ice bags all around him.

When you run a fever, you feel cold anyway, I can't imagine having to cool down my body temperature with ice bags when I was already feeling cold. Josh didn't complain much although I could tell how miserable he was.

Throughout the day we had numerous visitors and each one lifted his spirits. The highlight of the morning was when we stood around Josh's bed holding hands with Pastor Rodney and Debra and our nurse Logan and prayed for God's healing of Josh and His grace in all of our lives.

Even later as Logan worked on Josh's PICC line to clear the blood clots, we saw God's faithfulness. At first Logan said he didn't think he could clear the line because nothing would move through it. As he worked on it, I prayed a simple "God please let him clear the line", and with in a minute, Logan said with surprise, "it just cleared up". We both knew that it was an answer to prayer.

As I write this I am tired and emotionally drained. I feel the tears behind my eyes and even thinking of the pain my son is going through rips at my heart. I have told him on many occasions that if there was anyway for me to take his place, to bear the pain for him I would.

I begin to understand the sacrifice that God made for me when He allowed His son to bear the pain of my sin. He gave His son to stand in my place.

I would sacrifice for my family, but I don't know if I could give my sons life for someone else.

It is a great blessing to see my son smile at friends when they come to visit him. I know how poorly he feels, yet he graciously welcomes them with a smile and even cares enough to ask how they are doing. I know he is thankful for your prayers and he is encouraged by your notes and cards and visits. Thank you all for what you are doing.

Peaceful Week - What Comes Next?

Last week was mostly peaceful. Josh did well with no fevers and his appetite was a little better. He had his blood levels checked on Thursday and they were still high enough that he didn't need blood. He slept a lot through the weekend, but got up everyday and got some exercise.

Ilene and I actually got some things done around the house Saturday (painting, cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry) which was a good feeling to be doing normal things.

By Sunday night, Josh was pretty tired and weak, so Monday morning we had his blood counts checked. All of his numbers were low, so he is getting 2 units of platelets and 4 units of blood. It will take 10 - 12 hours to give him the blood and then they will check his levels again, so he will probably be there over night.

We continue to see God at work in our lives. Although Josh has been discouraged at times with how tired he feels, we are confident that through this process, we will see His hand at work. I don't know that any of us knew what to expect on this journey, but each time we turn a corner it feels like we have a new set of choices infront of us.

Have you ever wondered why God didn't give us a specific plan for every circumstance in life? There are times during this journey when it feels like our lives would be easier if we could open the Bible to a certain page and it would tell us the 10 steps to take to solve the current problem. Sometimes the choices we face are between two unpleasant or undesirable options. Many times we would prefer to make up a third option, but we are forced to choose between things that don't look or sound very good.

The truth is, sometimes it feels like we are making decisions based on incomplete information and choosing the lesser of two evils. An example of this was when we faced the decision on how to treat Josh's cancer. The choices were limited. We could A) treat him with chemotherapy drugs that are designed to kill and destroy his cells and have known side effects like hair loss, vomiting, kidney damage, heart damage (to name a few of the more interesting ones) or B)  treat him with home remedies (no known home remedies for his type of leukemia) which would have resulted in his death within 3 weeks to 3 months. Option B just didn't seem like a realistic option, but chemotherapy isn't exactly what I would call a good choice.

what we have learned is some choices have results that you can't see until after the decision is made. We don't know for sure what the long lasting effects of chemo will be. It's not like some of the decisions that we have made in the past. Once we bought a minivan that seemed like a great deal until a week after we got it home. We have made investments that didn't pan out and we have even made employment decisions that didn't work out the way we expected.

But making a decision about the life and death of a family member is very different then driving around in a "clunker" for a few extra years. The challenge is, there isn't a specific chapter in the Bible on car buying or job hunting (or medical treatment  for that matter), so what are we supposed to do when we face these real life decisions?

I have often wondered what would have happened if I would have taken a different road. Would my life have been better, could we have avoided some of the pain we are facing if we had chosen differently? Where is God in the decision making process, is He hiding around the corner waiting to hammer me when I choose wrong?

If there is one truth that we have learned in this process, it is that we have a loving and gracious God. We have found Him waiting around each corner, but He isn't waiting there to hammer us, He is there preparing the way, clearing a path, often times moving roadblocks. At each turn we have been able to look back and see His the results of His actions.

Have we made mistakes, sure ( I bought gas from a less then attractive location that clogged up our fuel filter), but His response to our failures have been to forgive us (if we had sinned) and then show His undeserved favor. At times, He has even allowed painful and unpleasant things to happens, just so that He can rescue us.

Tomorrow we will have more decisions to make, some of them may seem impossible, but I am convinced that God is waiting around each corner with a plan to bless us. Why would He do that? Because He loves us and wants to draw other to Himself. Everyday we encounter people who don't know Him, and have never experienced His blessing. Everyday we have the opportunity to show them how much God loves them.

Even sitting in a hospital room we get the opportunity to show others His faithfulness and love. They are becoming a part of our story and they get to hear how God has blessed us and wants to bless them.

Pray for Josh as he gets blood today. Pray that the fever stays down so that he can go home. If he has to stay, then pray that we are bold enough to share Jesus with those that God puts in our path.

Pray also for our friends Bonnie and Bobby. Bonnie starts chemo this week and we are trusting that God will heal her. Pray that God will show them His favor and show off in their lives as they learn to trust Him in their journey with cancer. We are also confident that God will use them to show others His love and faithfulness.

Just Past Half Way

And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.

Hebrew 12:1-2

When I was in high school, I ran on the cross country team. If you have ever run competitively, you know that there is a point in the race when you reach half way and you have less distance to go then what you have already covered. 

We have reached that point in Josh's chemotherapy treatments. We have fewer treatments left then what we have been through already. We have faced some difficult challenges and we have seen God bless us in unexpected ways. There have been things that were easier then we expected and things that were harder.

When running I learned that although I may have less distance to travel to the end of the race then what I had already gone, the second half of the race is not always easier. Sometimes, the second half is a down hill slope and you can coast to the finish line other times it is all up hill.

I went to school at Faith Academy, in the Philippines and our cross country race was in the hills around the school. The down hill slope was the first half of the race and you had to run up hill most of the way back to the finish line.

Faith Academy, Manila Philippines

The school sits on top of a hill with a beautiful view of the surrounding area

We learned early on in the cross country season to set a pace that gave us the strength to finish the race. Often our competing teams would take off from the starting line at breakneck speeds, only to run out of steam before the finish line.

As we run this race of life,  sometimes the path is more difficult during the second half. We are half way through the chemotherapy treatments and it is easy to feel daunted by what lies a head. I hope that we will find it is all down hill from here, but some days it looks like there are steeper hills in front of us.

What we have learned so far in this journey is that God is faithful. Each day He provides what we need when we need it. Some days it is a note of encouragement, other days it is getting the opportunity to share our faith with others. We see Him at work in our lives and those around us. 

In high school when we were running the race, when we reached the bottom of the last hill, if you looked up, you could get discouraged and think you would never reach the top. But if you focused on taking one step at a time, you could climb that hill. And then, as you came over the top, you remembered that the finish line was just over the peak of the hill.

We may not be able to see the finish line, but we know that God is with us each step of the way, and when we get there, we will be surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses who will see all that He has done.