Wednesday

I spent most of the day in Dalhart yesterday. I left before 6am and drove the 75 or so miles home to shower and get ready for work. In the past, Josh has tolerated the early days of chemo pretty well, so I decided to try driving back to Dalhart each morning to get some work done.


They give Josh his chemo at 4am and 4pm. He slept through most of the day. He has not shown many side effects although he is very tired and doesn't have an appetite. He wakes up long enough to take his medications and then goes back to sleep. When I go back to the hospital this evening, he was complaining of a head ache. We don't know if it is a side effect of the chemo or maybe from his lumbar puncture. Tylenol didn't do much for him so they finally gave him some fentanyl.

They delayed giving him his blood pressure medication this evening because his BP was running a little low and his heart rate was running a little high, but that may have been associated with the headache.

Each step along this journey there has been so many ups and downs and twists and turns. We find ourselves feeling apprehensive at each step, not sure what is coming next. He continued to run a fever through the night and his heart rate remained on the high side (over 100). This morning (Wednesday) the oncologist came by. He is not overly concerned about the fever as it could be a side effect of the chemo (etoposide).

Josh woke up around 3 am (Wednesday morning) and started a discussion with his nurse. He had lots of questions about how sick he had been a few weeks earlier (this is the nurse that was on duty when his BP dropped so low). He was very open with her about his faith in God and how he knew that God was at work in his life. The nurse told him that she had spent a lot of time praying for him that night a few weeks back.

He finally went back to sleep around 5 am. This morning, the doctor told Ilene that if his head ache persists, he will consider doing a "blood patch" over his LP sight to stop any further leakage of spinal fluid. They took a blood culture to make sure he doesn't have an infection, and they are watching him closely for other adverse side effects. We continue to pray that Josh will tolerate the remainder of chemo well and will be able to go home on Saturday.

Round 4 of Chemo Begins - in Amarillo

We drove down to Amarillo again this morning to start Josh's 4th round of chemo. We had his blood drawn yesterday afternoon, and his platelets and hemoglobin were up, but this morning they told us that his ANC's (Absolute Neutrophil Count) is low.

They said they will go ahead with chemo as there is a risk of relapse if we delay chemo much longer, which after talking to the oncologist is more of a concern then not having his ANC's not recovering.

Josh did gain another pound from last week, so he is up to 110. He is negotiating with the nurses to try and get out for lunch, after his lumbar puncture and before they start chemo this evening, but the doctor is concerned about his ANC's (and wether he will come back for chemo). He is also trying to negotiate to have as many of the unpleasant things (like dressing changes) to occur while he is under anesthesia.

His spirits are good (although he didn't sleep well - was up numerous times during the night) and he has been entertaining the nurses and doctors. They did his lumbar puncture and will start his chemo this after noon.

For all of you that have had an ultra sound, Josh knows how fun it can be to have all of the gel smeared on you. They did an echocardiogram to check his heart function (which he barely tolerates) although it is cool to watch his heart moving. We will update you with all of the results later.

He is always funny, but even more so when under anesthesia. You'll have to ask him if you can see the video.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Waiting Some More

Monday we were scheduled to start the next round of Chemotherapy at BSA in Amarillo. It involved getting packed (which meant we were up late) and getting up early enough to get to Amarillo by 9AM.

We spent a couple of hours there as they were drawing blood and checking vitals and making sure everything was ordered and ready. As they were numbing his back for the spinal puncture (and he was complaining about the gooey mess on his back) Josh's blood tests came back and to the doctors surprise, his platelet levels were too low to do the lumbar puncture or to start chemo. Josh of course was thrilled that we could go back home for a few days.

The doctor did not seem to concerned about his blood counts coming down (they had all been substantially higher last week when we left the hospital) so we are just praying that his counts recover enough to start chemo on Thursday.

We have been able to get a few things done around the house this week like installing new flooring in Sarah's room and getting caught up on some laundry.

We even had a little excitement when one of the neighbors electrical line caught a tree on fire during a rain storm. Their electric went out and there was sparks and pops. The fire department and electric company came out to take care of it and we sat in front of the fireplace and had a nice visit with them until things were fixed.

No one was hurt (the tree huggers might disagree with me since the tree got singed and then trimmed) and we got a chance to visit with some neighbors.

Or planis to check his blood counts on Wednesday or Thursday and hopefully start chemo on Thursday or Friday.

Home Sweet Home

We have been home for 3 days now and things are calming down.


Ilene is feeling better this morning and Sarah felt well enough to go to Youth last night. Josh is doing well and has been eating much better. We are hoping that he can gain some weight before he starts the next round of chemo on Monday.


As we have walked this journey, our perspective on life continues to change. The things that seemed so important in our daily lives just a few months ago have little significance now. Each day, each moment is an opportunity to experience Gods love and grace. We treasure the time together with family and friends, we look forward to each opportunity to be in church celebrating what God is doing in our lives.


This journey has been a battle against leukemia. It is amazing how much leukemia is a reflection of what sin can do in our lives. The leukemic cells begin to grow and then they crowd out the other good cells, preventing them from doing what they are designed to do. In Josh's case, the white blood cells don't fight off infection. And then the red blood cells and platelets are crowded out so that his body doesn't get the oxygen it needs and is in danger of bleeding because of low platelets.


His body becomes enslaved by the leukemia, and until something begins destroying the leukemia cells, he is a prisoner. In our lives, sin can take hold and begin to grow. It it is not stopped, it crowds out the other things in our lives. But God has already put a plan in place to eradicate the sin in our lives. God frees us from the power of sin allowing us to live our lives the way we are intended to, free to live wisely and pure, with integrity, filled with love and patience. 


Titus 3: 4-7
“When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, ⁵ he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.^[a] 6 He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. ⁷Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.”


So much of our lives are controlled by self seeking motives. We go about our lives looking for opportunities to promote our own desires and to fulfill the things we want. It takes something drastic to take our focus off of ourselves and to see what God is doing in the world around us. 


Once we have the confidence that we will inherit eternal life, free from the consequences of sin, our perspective should change.


Titus 2:11-14
 ¹¹ For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. ¹² And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God, ¹³ while we look forward with hope to that wonderful day when the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be revealed. ¹⁴ He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds.


Yes, we are still to live in this world, to build relationships with others and to show others how much God loves them, but we are free from the slavery (bondage, addiction) to sin and can live lives committed to doing good. 

How Much is Too Much?

Along this journey that we are traveling together, the question no one wants to put into words is "How much is too much?". At what point can we no longer take anymore challenges, any more bad news or difficulties?

Ilene has been fighting pain around her kidneys for a few weeks. Well after another sleepless  night she went to the doctor again today. He started to give her a stronger medication until he saw the welts that she thought were spider bites. Come to find out, Ilene has shingles. Shingles are not contagious, except to people who have a compromised immune system (like Josh does after chemo). So our prayer is that she gets over them before the end of next week.

As I was writing this, last paragraph, our lead custodian, Alice came into the office in pain telling us that she just fell and landed on her elbow. As I write this she is headed for the emergency room to get checked out.

As I was putting my thoughts together to write this I was reading in the book of Job. I have studied the book of Job before and know that you can't ever stop half way through. You must read the entire book, and then reread the first two and then the last chapter.

Job was known as a blameless man, full of integrity. there was no cause for him to fall under the judgement or punishment of God. Yet as we read his story, we see every area of his life destroyed. One after another, 4 messengers bring news of great calamity. The loss of his children, the loss of his business ventures and then finally the loss of his health.

Jobs attitude when losing his children and businesses was "naked I came into this world, and naked I will leave. the Lord gave m everything that I had, and now He has taken it away, Praise the Lord. Job essentially said, I will praise the Lord for what He gave me, and I will praise Him if He takes it all away.

After Job loses his health (he is struck with boils all over his body), and his wife tells him to "curse God and die" (perhaps she loves him so much she can't stand to watch him suffer anymore) he makes a very unusual statement.

Job 2:10

Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” 

What did Job know about God, that we don't seem to grasp? What did Job know about the important things in life that we don't seem to understand?

Could it be that there is more to life then what we see, feel, experience and know? Is life more than the sum total of our bank accounts or processions or relationships? Could there actually be more significance to life then the sum total of our individual (or combined) accomplishments?

If there is a God, is He more than a distant monarch or disinterested dictator. Is God a random disciplinarian or sadistic overlord? Or could He possibly care about each aspect of my life (and yours). Could He really have a plan and purpose for me that has value and makes sense of the circumstances in life?

I believe Job knew the answers to these questions. I believe that regardless of how much we have to endure, there is nothing random or sadistic about the turn of events in my life. I believe that the experiences of life, the good, the bad and the painful have a real purpose that can only be understood from a perspective different then what most of the world sees.

At the end of Job's story, God gave back to him more than he started with. Not to reward Job for his suffering, but to show others that Job loved God. Job loved God not because of the stuff or the health he had, but Job loved God because God loved Job first.

So how much is too much? There is no such thing as too much, because God loves me and there is no such thing as too much love from God.

A comical bright spot in all this chaos --- we have 3 dachshunds. In all of the travels, the 2 females went into heat the same week. This weekend, both had their puppies. So now rather then 3 dachshunds we are proud parents of 8 dachshunds. When God turns 3 into 8, that is more than a double blessing. (Call us if you want to buy a dachshund - they should be ready for Christmas). Pictures coming soon.

P.S. Josh is home, slept in his own bed (22nd night in 3 months) and is having a good day. Pretty proud that his dog is the father of 5 puppies. He is still tired and weak, but looking forward to being home for a few days. Thanks for your prayers.