Yesterday we met with the Primary Oncologist. He told us that the clinical study that we had hoped to get Josh into was closed except for people that have a rare strain of AML that effects a specific gene. They will test Josh to see if he qualifies, but if he does it is bad news not good news as that form of AML has very poor survival rates.
It was a very difficult day for us as we are feeling the fatigue of travel and hospital life and then having to make decision about medical treatment that stretch our faith. Most decisions in our daily lives fall into the category of, what will I wear today or where should I eat lunch. Sometimes we face the more challenging decisions like who should I marry or should I apply for this new job. Many of these decisions are important and I admit that in the past I have taken some of them to lightly without prayer or seeking God's wisdom.
Today or tomorrow we will face a decision about the life of our son. The doctors tell us that the Leukemia that Josh has will kill him if untreated in as few as 3 months. The only option they are offering is to treat him with chemotherapy (a combination of drugs that kill cells in his body) that have life long side effects that include potential damage to his heart, infertility, hair loss, nausea, risk of infection from low white blood cell counts and a few other things that sound minor until you combine them with everything else.
In exchange for these side effects they can give us an educated guess of a survival rate of around 60%. They have made many advances in the treatment of AML over the last 20 years, and many of the advances are in managing the side effects that result from the chemotherapy as well as improving the survival rate from 20-30% to over 50%.
Today they will give Josh an ecocardiogram to check his heart function. We are still waiting for some of the test results before they can give us the options on the specific treatment. We will also meet with a physician from the Integrative Medicine Program that can give us information about alternative treatments that can help with some of the side effects.
Our prayer is that we will have wisdom on helping Josh choose the best course of treatment. So much of the treatment process involves the patients commitment to fight through the side effects and the emotional stress that the entire family goes through. We have heard many times already that this is more of a marathon than a sprint and it is important to approach things one day at a time.
Today is a new day and we may have to make life and death decisions with our son. But I am continually reminded of Psalm 139
Psa. 139:13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
God was not surprised last week when we found out that Josh had AML. Nothing that the doctors can do will change what God knows about Josh. When we face these life and death decisions, it feels like we are acting like God, but that is why God is God and we are not. I can't become God and cause my son to live or die. I can't change the number of his days because every day of Joshua's life has been numbered already.
Today is Josh's 6,382nd day.
It is one more day that God had in His book for Him. I don't know all that today holds for you or for me today. Today I will choose to tell others about the God who loves me so much that He chose to sacrifice His son's life so that I could live.
As a dad I can't imagine that. I told Josh the other day that if it was in my power, I would take his AML if he could live. I realize now that giving up my life would be easier than sacrificing my son's. God has been where I am today, he had a choice to make, to save his one and only son and let everyone else get what they deserved, or He could sacrifice His son and offer everyone the gift of life.
Today God has already decided how He will bless our family. He has chosen to put us at MD Anderson to show off His Glory, Faithfulness and Mercy. Today we will learn more about Him and see Him at work in us and through us. Please pray that we will have patience and grace as we interact with medical professionals who don't even believe that He exists. And pray that as we choose between courses of treatment that we would have wisdom. That as we make life and death decisions, that others would see God in us.
Take the decisions that you have today seriously. As for me and my house, we choose to serve the Lord and let Him be glorified through us.
