Follow Your GPS to Avoid a Shipwrecked Faith

Josh continues to improve and they are telling us that they will release him tomorrow (Monday) around noon. He has an optometrist appointment in the afternoon, and then we can bring him home for a week.

Over the last few months I have written about faith numerous times along this journey. It has been a central theme since many of the decisions we have faced involve who or what our faith is in. We have been candid about our faith journey through the times of testing and trials and we acknowledge that we have not always kept our faith.

As we have walked this journey, we have relied on information given to us from other sources. Faith is about believing what we hear or read and then making decision or taking action based on that belief. If I read about a sale going on down at the store, I may act on that by driving down to the store in anticipation of purchasing something at a discount. If I arrive at the store and the sale is not going on, either the store was dishonest or I may have misunderstood the flier.

We have put our trust in doctors and nurses, we have sought council from friends and family when making decisions about our sons health care and we have placed our faith in some of those giving us information as we made the decisions. We knew almost nothing about Leukemia before Josh was diagnosed. We have researched the Internet and talked with medical professionals to increase our knowledge.

We have placed our faith in the doctors and nursed, based on the information we have heard or read. We have made decisions that have dramatically changed our lives, and will have an impact on us for the rest of our lives.

In 1 Timothy 1, Paul writes about faith. Paul provides information about God and challenges people to believe in God and to change the way they live based on this new information. Most people live with little regard for God. They may believe He exists (or deny He exists), but what they say they believe about God has little or no effect on how they live. Even people who call them selves religious, tend to structure their lives in a way that they can live the way they want most of the time, and then they do strategic things periodically to try to appease God.

But Paul writes about faith from a different perspective. Faith is not just a statement of belief, faith causes us to act in specific ways. If you believe that buying a new car will make you happy, you go out and buy a new car. If you believe that your employer will pay you for showing up to work and doing your job, you go to work when you are supposed to and do the things expected of you.

I grew up believing that Chevy's are better vehicles than Ford's (because my dad always bought Chevy's). I put faith in that belief by purchasing numerous Chevy's. I even violated that faith once when I bought a Ford van. It was a terrible vehicle, so it reinforced my belief that Chevy's were better.

Paul talks about violating our faith. He refers to it as shipwrecking our faith. He challenges Timothy to keep his conscious clear to avoid "shipwrecking" his faith (don't buy Ford's). Now in all fairness, I have friends that love Ford's. They believe that Ford stands for "First On Race Day" rather than "Found On Road Dead". But for my example about faith, when I chose to do something that is in opposition to what I believe to be true, I can sear or damage our conscience.

He writes in 1 Timothy 1:19


 Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked. 

We don't often make a big deal over the brand of cars that we buy. We don't even make an issue about the type of food we eat. We live with a world view that presumes that we can do as we please as long as we don't do anything to hurt someone else. But if that is true, we are putting our faith in ourselves which makes us our own god. If I am my own God, then technically, I can't violate my own rules, because I make the rules.

The problem is that I am not perfect, so some of my rules do hurt others. Only a perfect person can make rules that won't violate or hurt someone else.

So what then does it mean to shipwreck your faith?

I believe Paul is saying, when we know what is right, but choose to do something else, then we violate our conscience. When we do this regularly, we are essentially shifting our faith or misdirecting our faith which can lead to a shipwreck.

Have you ever wondered why a ship would run aground (or be shipwrecked)? Most shipwrecks happen because the ship is in water that is too shallow. They are off course and run aground on sandbars or coral reefs. Sometimes it is caused by a storm or poor visibility, but most of the time a shipwreck occurs because the ship is not where it is supposed to be.

Isn't that true of our lives. When we are not doing what God called us to do, when we make decisions that take us off course, we run aground. If the captain of the ship puts his faith in the wrong information, he can steer his ship into dangerous waters.

From experience, I can tell you that it is really easy to get off course. A small compromise, a little drifting in the wrong direction can result in being miles off course further down the line. How do you know if you are getting off course?

You have to have a guideline, a compass or a G.P.S. When hiking you have to follow the map and stay on the trail. If you don't have a road map to follow, you will most likely get off course. When driving someplace you are not familiar with, having a G.P.S. can help you get there without getting you lost. God gave us a road map for life. He gives us directions so that we can avoid the shallow waters, instructions on what to do when we get caught in a storm. He even gives us a road map to help us when we do get off course.

If we study that road map, if we are constantly referring to the navigational charts, then we can stay the course, avoid dangerous waters and reach our destination without running aground or getting lost.

Spend time regularly reading the road map that God gave us for life. When I spend time regularly reading the Bible, I find that I am more prepared for the unexpected turns in life. When I find myself caught in a storm or lost in an area of town I am not familiar with, by following the GPS, I can get back on track.

When I was kid we used to sing a little song that went "Read your Bible, pray everyday, and you'll grow, grow, grow". After 50 years of experience, I find that when I read my Bible and pray everyday, I stay out of the dangerous waters, I avoid being shipwrecked and my faith grows stronger.

Josh's Progress

Josh had a good day Friday. We met with the Pediatric oncologist here in Amarillo to discuss the possibility of finishing his treatment closer to home. After reviewing his history and health they are recommending that we change his chemotherapy to avoid any that are cardiotoxic. We are happy with this decision after all the challenges we have had with his heart.

The current plan is to go home for a few days the early part of next week, and then return for the next round of chemo Monday, November 7th. 

Ilene and Sarah and some friends from Dalhart walked in the "Panhandle Cancer Cure Foundation 5K". It looked a little cold out there at  37 - 40 degree's.

Thanks for your continued prayers.

Sorry I Missed Yesterday

The title is in reference to a couple of people who mentioned that I went a whole day with out giving them an update on Josh. 


When I was growing up, we lived in the Philippines. There were times when we didn't have running water or electricity let a lone a phone. There were times when dad was out in the barrio (that is really what we called it) and we didn't have a way to get in touch with him. If he was late, we had no way of knowing what went wrong. But mom always said "No news is good news, BAD news travel quickly". 

We always found that to be true. Even from 10,000 miles away, when grandma had a heart attack back in the US, we heard about it within hours.

All that to say, yesterday was a good day. Josh kept us busy sitting up all day and asking for things. He had some visitors, which we will try to get some pictures of, and he set up his Facebook page (Josh's Facebook link) and put pictures of some of the hats he has.

He lost one of his "Megatron IV poles", so he has much more space in his room. 

He is also very happy to be off of oxygen today. They are weening him off of his IV heart meds and putting him on oral medication.

He also has an appetite again (even if his time clock is off a little), he had fajitas from On the Boarder last night, and wanted more around midnight.

Some friends brought by a card for him today, that we wanted to share. Laughter is still one of the best medicines.

Of course the cow on the front reminded us of days past when we would go help our friends on their dairy. 

Last night we had a visitor from Dalhart. Trevor had Leukemia (ALL) when he was 17 years old. It was encouraging to hear his story and how similar it was to what Josh has been through. He kept saying how he looked at life differently now, and how thankful he was for what God has done in his life. He went as far as to say that if he had the choice to do it differently, he wouldn't change a thing. Although cancer was the hardest thing he ever faced, it changed his world view and his faith in God.

It was encouraging to Ilene and I to hear a 25 year old say that, and Josh seemed to gain a new perspective.

We have talked about God and His faithfulness, and even that He has a purpose and a plan, even when we don't understand it. This journey has taught us a lot about God's faithfulness, and how His children care for each other. It has given us the opportunity to let other people watch as God cares for us in a difficult situation.

Today when I opened the email devotions that I get every day, I was struck by the verse it was looking at.

Jeremiah 31:3

 “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.

      With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.

We have experienced God's love in ways that we never expected. We have watched as strangers have committed random acts of kindness to our son and our family, and although some of them didn't realize it, they were acting on God's behalf. We have seen and felt God draw us in to His arms, we have felt the peace of God's love, even in the shadows of death.

Ephesians 1:4-5 says:

⁴ Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. ⁵ God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. 

Some of you walking this journey with us have seen God's love and faithfulness in our lives. You have wondered how a 17 year old can exemplify peace and patience in the face of such a life changing situation. You may have marveled at how parents could watch their son face death, and the indignities that come with the battle against cancer.

I don't have an answer for the how, in that it is not something we drummed up. all I know is that often times, before the day is done, I don't know how I will make it to (or through) tomorrow. but I do know that each day, God surprises us with a blessing or a word of encouragement. He brings friends and strangers when we need it most.

Through this process we have developed a burden for those of you walking with us. As we have gotten to know some of you, (Josh's nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists ... etc.) we long to see you experience the peace in your lives that we have experienced. We long to see you become a part of God's family, adopted into His household, because we know that He chose you, before you were even born, and He wants to bless you, like you have seen Him bless us.

God is doing a work through Josh in drawing people to Him. He is showing His faithfulness, grace, mercy and love through Josh, even in one of the worst situations we could imagine. Know that we are praying for you as you walk this journey with us.

Not Out of the Woods and Other Cliche's

One thing I have learned on this journey, is that you are not out of the crisis until you can look back and see that you are making progress in the right direction. We have heard and used many of the cliche's along our journey (at the end of our rope, darkest before the dawn, calm in the midst of the storm, not out of the woods, its not over till its over, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, when it rains it pours, there's nothing to fear but fear itself) and started a few more of our own (sleep is over rated). 

We feel like we have been lost in the woods, wandering aimlessly until Monday when we felt like we were finally walking out of the woods. Monday was the best day we have had in many weeks. Josh is now able to eat solid (non-greasy) food, and has tolerated it well. 

They have weened him off of most of his pain and sleep medication and are watching his heart closely to see if they can begin weening him off of his heart medications.

As I look back over the last two weeks I realize that I have been gripped by a fear; a fear that it was time to say good bye to our 17 year old son. We are not afraid of death, I say that meaning we are confident that there is more to life than what we experience here and now. We all face death, because everyone dies eventually, but what happens after death is what should get more of our attention then we give it.

There are many theories as to what happens after death, and there are many religions that claim to have a way to please God enough to increase the odds to getting to heaven. But there is only one person who claimed to be God, then gave his life to make sure that we could bridge the gap that exists between us and God.

So when I say I am not afraid of Josh dying, I am not afraid of what will happen to him after he dies, I fear the pain we will suffer at losing him. On at least two different occasion over the last few weeks, Josh's health declined to the point were we saw fear in the eyes of the doctors and nurses. We know that Josh is a strong fighter, but when the doctors are afraid, it is easy to worry.

As I began writing this yesterday, the devotions that I read was from 2 Timothy.

⁷ For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
 ⁸ So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don’t be ashamed of me, either, even though I’m in prison for him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News. ⁹ For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time—to show us his grace through Christ Jesus.

There was a point last week when I had reached the end of my rope (to use a cliche) and then I let go, I could not hold on any longer. Watching my son in so much pain, knowing that we still had a long journey in front of us, I didn't have the strength to keep hoping, to keep going; not even one day at a time. I was finished.

I leaned over my son as he moaned in pain, knowing his blood pressure was critically low and I whispered in his ear, "Josh I love you, and it is okay to let go".

In the days that followed I expected the worst, but God had a different plan. I told a friend that we needed a miracle, and then I watched as the God who loves me showed me that He is a God who still does miracles. 

I let go of the rope, but that is when God held on to me. 

Last night Ilene and I sat with Josh and talked. He is tired of be connected to IV lines. He is tired of being confined to bed, and having strangers walk into his room while he is half naked (or more). He is frustrated and the indignities and helplessness of not being able to go to the bathroom without help. 

So as we sat and held him and told him that we loved him and how proud we are of him for enduring these trials, we told him a little of the journey we had walked while he was sleeping. We reminded him that God had a plan for his life, and that there was an audience watching as God showed His grace through his life.

Nothing in our lives is happenstance. Although many of the decisions in our lives are made randomly, God intends to use our lives for a purpose. If we are his children, He wants to show others His grace, His undeserved favor, through the god, the bad and the ugly of our lives. 

If you have not yet become His child, adopted into His family, then He longs to be your Father, to make you His own, making you a prince or princess, so that you can be a part of what He is doing in this world. 

So as I faced my fears and allowed God the freedom to do His will in my adopted sons life, I am beginning to experience the strength that He gives, knowing that there will be more suffering, knowing that as I follow Him, life will not be easy; but also knowing that He has a plan, and that I can trust Him.

Sunday

Josh had a good night and is doing well today. He has been sitting up and they have started giving him full liquids so he is waiting for his first milk shake.

They are weening him off of his IV meds and starting him on oral medications. When he he is off all of his IV's they can move him out of PICU. They expect he will need to stay here at BSA until next weekend at least.

Thank you for your continued prayers.