Peaceful Week - What Comes Next?

Last week was mostly peaceful. Josh did well with no fevers and his appetite was a little better. He had his blood levels checked on Thursday and they were still high enough that he didn't need blood. He slept a lot through the weekend, but got up everyday and got some exercise.

Ilene and I actually got some things done around the house Saturday (painting, cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry) which was a good feeling to be doing normal things.

By Sunday night, Josh was pretty tired and weak, so Monday morning we had his blood counts checked. All of his numbers were low, so he is getting 2 units of platelets and 4 units of blood. It will take 10 - 12 hours to give him the blood and then they will check his levels again, so he will probably be there over night.

We continue to see God at work in our lives. Although Josh has been discouraged at times with how tired he feels, we are confident that through this process, we will see His hand at work. I don't know that any of us knew what to expect on this journey, but each time we turn a corner it feels like we have a new set of choices infront of us.

Have you ever wondered why God didn't give us a specific plan for every circumstance in life? There are times during this journey when it feels like our lives would be easier if we could open the Bible to a certain page and it would tell us the 10 steps to take to solve the current problem. Sometimes the choices we face are between two unpleasant or undesirable options. Many times we would prefer to make up a third option, but we are forced to choose between things that don't look or sound very good.

The truth is, sometimes it feels like we are making decisions based on incomplete information and choosing the lesser of two evils. An example of this was when we faced the decision on how to treat Josh's cancer. The choices were limited. We could A) treat him with chemotherapy drugs that are designed to kill and destroy his cells and have known side effects like hair loss, vomiting, kidney damage, heart damage (to name a few of the more interesting ones) or B)  treat him with home remedies (no known home remedies for his type of leukemia) which would have resulted in his death within 3 weeks to 3 months. Option B just didn't seem like a realistic option, but chemotherapy isn't exactly what I would call a good choice.

what we have learned is some choices have results that you can't see until after the decision is made. We don't know for sure what the long lasting effects of chemo will be. It's not like some of the decisions that we have made in the past. Once we bought a minivan that seemed like a great deal until a week after we got it home. We have made investments that didn't pan out and we have even made employment decisions that didn't work out the way we expected.

But making a decision about the life and death of a family member is very different then driving around in a "clunker" for a few extra years. The challenge is, there isn't a specific chapter in the Bible on car buying or job hunting (or medical treatment  for that matter), so what are we supposed to do when we face these real life decisions?

I have often wondered what would have happened if I would have taken a different road. Would my life have been better, could we have avoided some of the pain we are facing if we had chosen differently? Where is God in the decision making process, is He hiding around the corner waiting to hammer me when I choose wrong?

If there is one truth that we have learned in this process, it is that we have a loving and gracious God. We have found Him waiting around each corner, but He isn't waiting there to hammer us, He is there preparing the way, clearing a path, often times moving roadblocks. At each turn we have been able to look back and see His the results of His actions.

Have we made mistakes, sure ( I bought gas from a less then attractive location that clogged up our fuel filter), but His response to our failures have been to forgive us (if we had sinned) and then show His undeserved favor. At times, He has even allowed painful and unpleasant things to happens, just so that He can rescue us.

Tomorrow we will have more decisions to make, some of them may seem impossible, but I am convinced that God is waiting around each corner with a plan to bless us. Why would He do that? Because He loves us and wants to draw other to Himself. Everyday we encounter people who don't know Him, and have never experienced His blessing. Everyday we have the opportunity to show them how much God loves them.

Even sitting in a hospital room we get the opportunity to show others His faithfulness and love. They are becoming a part of our story and they get to hear how God has blessed us and wants to bless them.

Pray for Josh as he gets blood today. Pray that the fever stays down so that he can go home. If he has to stay, then pray that we are bold enough to share Jesus with those that God puts in our path.

Pray also for our friends Bonnie and Bobby. Bonnie starts chemo this week and we are trusting that God will heal her. Pray that God will show them His favor and show off in their lives as they learn to trust Him in their journey with cancer. We are also confident that God will use them to show others His love and faithfulness.