A Painful Day

Yesterday was a painful day. The good news is still that we are planning on being discharged tomorrow (Friday) and driving to Dalhart.

Yesterday, Josh started to experience more of the side effects of the chemo. He has been tired, had some low grade fevers and had a loss of appetite for weeks now, but yesterday he had a bloody nose (so they gave him more platelets) and later in the day his hair started to fall out.

I didn't expect it to be as difficult to watch as it has been. We have been blessed for weeks with mild side effects, it has been almost surreal in that he still doesn't seem that sick and we were even hoping that maybe he wouldn't lose his hair. His hair started coming loose, a few strands at a time, and then by later in the afternoon, it would come out by the handful. It finally began to irritate his neck so much that he started combing it out.

Today we will go and get his head shaved so that it doesn't fall out on his neck and itch and irritate him. For those of us that have watched our hair thin and fallout gradually over the last 20 or more years, hair loss may not seem that big of a deal, but as a parent, watching your child loose a full, thick head of hair over night is unnerving. I can't imagine what he is going through, from embarrassment to shame to frustration and anger, it is hard to watch as your child tries to avoid the looks of others.

This new stage of the journey brings pain and sadness, and a visual of what is really happening to our son. But or hope is still in our Father who loves us and promises to never leave us. We know that He has a plan and that when the time is right, He will give us the information we need. For now our faith is in Him. We are also very encouraged by your prayers and comments and the knowledge that we are not alone in our journey.

This morning as I looked through the scriptures and devotions for some encouragement. I found a passage in Philippians where Paul was expressing his gratitude for their faithfulness and encouragement. In Philippians 4 Paul wrote:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

Our family has experienced the blessings that God has showered on us, and we have experienced times of difficulty (usually because of our poor decisions, but sometimes just because God was allowing our faith to be challenged). This current situation is more challenging than anything we have ever faced. We are particularly blessed because you have shared in our troubles.

Thank you for choosing to walk this difficult road with us.